Here I am back to blogging. I woke up this morning, sobbing and feeling like I had an empty heart. I have been dreaming about Uganda like crazy lately, last night's dream was the hardest yet. I dreamt I was leaving my Ugandan family and was never going to be able to see them again. I truly do fear that, that the people that really did become family in the span of a month I will never be able to see them again, to hug them, and to worship with them. It's terrifying. Up until now I have been pretty successful at keeping myself so busy that I didn't have time to focus on the emptiness in my heart since leaving Uganda. Now I am graduated from college with an awesome degree in Business Marketing and the only thing I want to do is return to Africa for an extended amount of time. To not do anything related to my degree. I want to be reminded of the emotions that I have only felt in Uganda. Feelings of utter happiness while being surrounded by extreme corruption and poverty. Feelings of being so at home when I have never been further from home. I found this quote the other day that explains me perfectly:
"The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”
Here you are expected to have a "real" job when you graduate college. A successful job. That's the first thing people ask you when you say you just graduated, if you have a job lined up. I have been wondering why I don't feel motivated to try to get a "real" job or why some of the ideal jobs I could apply for I have no desire to apply. The truth is, I am scared that once I find a real job, my chances of ever returning to Africa are gone. And the only reason I see rushing to get a job is to make money. Making money is the last of my concerns right now. I want to instead join that fight to make the world humane, to pour all of the love I have in me into loving others. To help others who haven't experienced the unconditional love of an amazing God, find Him. And I want to be surrounded by people who know nothing but His love in the worst of conditions.
So to any friends reading this blog, I am asking you to pray with me and for me that God's purpose be shown to me and that I understand that whatever decision I make, that I make it with God at the core of my choices, and that I know that no matter what He will go with me.
