Back at it

Here I am back to blogging.  I woke up this morning, sobbing and feeling like I had an empty heart.  I have been dreaming about Uganda like crazy lately, last night's dream was the hardest yet.  I dreamt I was leaving my Ugandan family and was never going to be able to see them again.  I truly do fear that, that the people that really did become family in the span of a month I will never be able to see them again, to hug them, and to worship with them.  It's terrifying.  Up until now I have been pretty successful at keeping myself so busy that I didn't have time to focus on the emptiness in my heart since leaving Uganda.  Now I am graduated from college with an awesome degree in Business Marketing and the only thing I want to do is return to Africa for an extended amount of time.  To not do anything related to my degree.  I want to be reminded of the emotions that I have only felt in Uganda.  Feelings of utter happiness while being surrounded by extreme corruption and poverty.  Feelings of being so at home when I have never been further from home.  I found this quote the other day that explains me perfectly: 

"The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”

Here you are expected to have a "real" job when you graduate college.  A successful job.  That's the first thing people ask you when you say you just graduated, if you have a job lined up.  I have been wondering why I don't feel motivated to try to get a "real" job or why some of the ideal jobs I could apply for I have no desire to apply.  The truth is, I am scared that once I find a real job, my chances of ever returning to Africa are gone.  And the only reason I see rushing to get a job is to make money.  Making money is the last of my concerns right now.  I want to instead join that fight to make the world humane, to pour all of the love I have in me into loving others.  To help others who haven't experienced the unconditional love of an amazing God, find Him.  And I want to be surrounded by people who know nothing but His love in the worst of conditions.  

So to any friends reading this blog, I am asking you to pray with me and for me that God's purpose be shown to me and that I understand that whatever decision I make, that I make it with God at the core of my choices, and that I know that no matter what He will go with me.  

I don't wanna ride on somebody else's passion...

This blog post has been the one I have been dreading. I am writing it from home, back in the United States, 5 days after leaving Uganda. The problem is...my heart is still in Africa. For some reason it didn't get on that plane with me at 9 am Wednesday August 3rd. I really felt at home in Uganda and like I was where I was meant to be. Now I am facing the challenges of learning how to be the me 30 some days ago that was still happy to be in Colorado.

The last few days in Uganda were nothing short of perfect. We got to do our shopping at the craft market on Sunday. Then on Monday we hung out at the school and then took the 3rd through 5th graders to a rec center to go swimming. It was so awesome to get to have so much fun with the kids. Tuesday was the last day of projects and I went to the farm. It was the opening ceremony for the 6 new students who will be taking part in the year long vocational training program of Farming God's Way. It was just the perfect way to end the month by getting to feel rewarded for all of the hard work we put into the farm and to be an inspiration to the men who were about to start a really hard but useful year in their lives. Tuesday night was very emotional, I think we all realized how used to this place we had gotten and to each other. Let me say, I miss the 20 people we spent the last month with like no other. They really became a family to me and are such huge support systems. I have never been challenged more in my faith and vulnerability as I did this month. These people make me want to strive to be a better person. We left early Wednesday morning, the taxi picked us up at 6 am to take us to the airport. Of course, like the crazy unbelievable people they are, Alese and Jer rode all the way to the airport to see us off. I got pretty teary saying bye to them, even though I'll see them in a week. So we successfully made it from Uganda to London, spent a night in London and just kind of relaxed. Upon return to the London airport, planning on being home in 10 hours we learned that they overbooked our flight almost double. Of course, we didn't get on it so they sent 4 of us to Seattle, we had another overnight there, and finally got home around 11 am on Friday. I was very excited to be home and see everyone, don't get me wrong, but the entire time had the people and things I left in Uganda in the back of my mind. Dan was at the baggage claim in the airport to pick me up and I got butterflies getting to see him. Since then I have been extremely busy. I've fit in a few coffee dates, dinner dates every night, just running around like crazy. I have loved seeing everyone back home, but I have struggled to really feel like I can share the experiences I had. Everyone asks, "how was Africa?!". To me, that is the most broad question that can be asked, that really doesn't have a fast easy answer. I have tried just saying it was really really good, I am ready to go back. My friend told me to come up with 3 words to describe my trip when people ask that question, so that if they are really interested to know they will ask further, or they will leave it at that. I have started saying it was "really challenging, but awesomely life changing." I really think that sums it up.

I am a different person. I have seen and felt things I never thought was possible. I have felt a love and passion for strangers, it could be considered creepy. I was forced to open myself up and be vulnerable to extremes that don't even exist in the States. And the hardest thing, not one person will ever fully be able to relate to me. Yes, I have a ton of people in my life that were on this trip with me or have done similar things, but no person has the exact same experience. We all had different emotions to the same situations. I poured all of me out in one month and left a good portion of me in Africa. I am praying praying for God to fill me back up again and help me to find a way to bring this experience to life somehow here at home. I don't want to just feel like I'm serving each time I travel to Uganda, but I want to find something here that will even remotely give me the same feeling of serving and loving. I was rocked to pieces by God and I think I am going to just continue to be rocked and broken by Him. I was told in this month to "keep walking" and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Love until it hurts and then love some more.

Week 4: Uganda

Sorry for no blog update last week! We have been busy and with all the power outages it has been hard to get internet. Anyway-I'll do a short day by day update first.
Monday we had a scavenger hunt with 3 teams and 4 people to a team. Each team had a Ugandan leader for safety that wasn't allowed to help us. We had to go all over the city of Kampala, to the hospital, the slums, all over the place. Our team actually ended up getting last, haha, but it was a lot of fun. We also all had to eat 2 fried crickets that night, which was absolutely disgusting, but I am proud to say that I did it!
Tuesday we were back to the projects after being gone for a week at the village. I went to the school and it was pretty easy and a relaxed day. When I saw my little Karim he was so excited and ran up to me. He is just so precious. When all the groups got back from projects we went to a surprise dinner, which was pizza and was sooo yummy. Then we drove to what they call prayer mountain where people go to just pray and worship. It was sadly closed when we got there, but we parked somewhere else on the mountain and just had some personal time. It was really cool and much needed.
Wednesday I went to the slumbase and painted and just did some small things around there. Nothing too exciting on Wednesday. I did get to talk to Dan which was so nice!
Thursday, Friday, & Saturday I worked at the farm all 3 days. They have 6 new students showing up Monday for a year of vocational training so there has been a ton to get done before then! I am pooped to say the least. The farm takes a lot of energy and we haven't had a day off for 2 weeks!
Paul got to go home on Friday though from the hospital and they said his spirits were up and he's doing great, so that was awesome news!
Today, we are going to church and then to the craft market to do our souvenir shopping, so finally our day off today. We only have 3 full days left! I can't believe we leave Wednesday morning. A month really flies by. The question I have constantly been asking God this month is "Who am I?" To be given such a beautiful life. To have food everyday, to have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on, to have an awesome loving family. I have noticed I'm not really bringing many of my emotions into this blog, I'm not good at writing emotions, but definitely know that I am a different person and really have a new view on life and can't believe how much deeper my faith has gotten in a month. We have been challenged to the depths here and it's been a crazy learning experience. Thank you as always for the support and constant prayers! I love you all!

Week 3: Uganda

I had already typed this up last week, I just couldn't get the computer to post it, so this is late, sorry!

Hello again everyone! Time is just flying by here! I can't believe we have already been here for 20 days and have 8 left. As far as what this past week has looked like: I'll start with saying it has been the most challenging week so far, but in a good way.
I started the week in the afternoon Sunday with some awful pains in my lower left side. Like so bad that I couldn't walk up and down the stairs. I had taken all kinds of meds and nothing helped.
Monday I woke up and my pains were not any better and I knew I had a project I needed to go to. I also was super struggling beccause I found out Miss Shandee had the beautiful Ella late Sunday night. So I will be honest, on Monday I was super homesick and bummed out. I went to the Thread of Life base though and just kind of took it easy, because of my side.
Tuesday I went to the school to teach the 2nd half of the alphabet to the 5th grade class. The class was way more excited that time than the first so it was cool. After school, we hung out with the kids. This little boy Paul, he is a 7 year old boy with aids, looked so upset after school. I pointed it out and no one seemed too concerned. He went and sat by this girl Hannah and she felt his head and he had a burning fever. They all assumed that he had malaria. Long story short, I was super frustrated because no one seemed to be worrying about him. I went back to the house that day really down and worried about Paul.
Wednesday we left to head back to the village, Kaliro, that we stayed at the first few days. We were there for 4 nights and got back this afternoon. On the drive out we stopped at an agriculture festival in a town, Jinja, because Farming God's Way was there. It was very cool to see the similarities and differences between an African festival and an American festival.
Thursday we started the day cleaning and painting the compound in the village. Then, in the afternoon we went to a school nearby and did an arts and crafts project with the kiddos. That night when all of us were sitting around we were told that Paul was in the hospital and that no one knew the severity of it. Let me tell you, hearing that rocked my world. I thought I was frustrated Tuesday seeing the way his fever was handled, but then to hear he was obviously extremely sick was really hard for me. We were told he has pneumonia and meningitis and is going to be in the hospital for 2 weeks. It really just made everything so real for me. I realized how invested my heart is here and really showed the injustices of this place and how casual everyone was about a sick 7 year old boy with aids. They do believe he is going to be ok, they just want to monitor him.
Friday we did a village outreach in the morning and did some home visits to let people know about the med clinic we were doing on Saturday. It is crazy how excited everyone was to see us and openly welcomed 15 people into their property. Something I think would be very different if it happened in the states. Friday afternoon the mzungus played the locals in a soccer game. I wanted to play, but with my side knew it wasn't a good idea. So I ended up being the coach. :). We lost to the locals 2-4. These guys are sooo good at soccer.
Saturday we had our med clinic, it was really good to get to help the kids that we had gotten so attached to. That was in the morning, so in the afternoon we did more home visits.
Sunday we went to the church in the village. It was so cool to see a true African church service. There is so much joy. They do a lot of worship and dancing and then a message. The whole service went for 3 and a half hours, which was a little long, but all part of the whole experience. Then, we went to the River Nile. That was so amazing-who knew a river would be so huge. We all dunked our heads in it and even had someone fall in. It was very scary, but everyone got out safely and had a good laugh about it. We had dinner by the river, it was so delicious. Got back to the compund late last night.
We only have 8 days left here, which are going to be so busy. My whole heart is in this last week and can't wait to share more with everyone! Know that God is good and is doing some amazing work in me. He even took my side pains away for this last week! Miss you and love you all.

Week 2-Uganda

Week 2 has now come and gone! It is so crazy that we have already been here for almost two weeks. This week was lots of work and very busy because it was a full week of projects. I will start by sharing in a very short version what I personally did each day. Monday I went to the farm, which was actually one of the most rewarding days this week. It was so much work, but was cool to actually be able to visibly see a difference at the end of the day. We mainly just did some farming and gardening upkeep. But it felt really good to work as a team with the people that went with us. On the farm they use a method called Farming God’s Way, which is something that makes so much sense. It is completely organic farming, no tools used whatsoever. So instead of having to plow the land they use what they call God’s Blanket which is just any type of shrubs or unused crop and laying it as a layer above the dirt to keep moisture in the soil so they don’t have to use any type of irrigation system. Anyway, Tuesday I went to the school where we just helped out around with some chores, such as dish washing, covering books in the library, and just making the school look nice. In the afternoon, I taught a writing lesson with another girl to the 5th grade class. We taught them cursive writing and only got through the letter ‘H’ so the teacher asked that we go back next Tuesday. So I am excited for that! Wednesday and Thursday I went to the Thread of Life Slumbase. I am feeling super invested in this project already. These women are taking classes on sewing and crafting along with making jewelry and purses. For the first time ever, CLD has found a set location for TOL and purchased an awesome compound. The focus while we are here is to help get the whole compound put together. So, those two days us girls decided we were going to make murals all over the walls in one of the craft rooms. Let me tell you, a group of 5 or 6 girls, who are completely non-artistic can come up with some pretty amazing murals. Pictures will be up when we get back of what the walls turned out to look like. Then, Friday I went to the school. The man who keeps up with the garden at the school had a death in his family so he has been gone for a very long time. The main need at the school then was to weed around the bean garden. Who would have thought that was so much work. As hard as it was, us 5 girls that went decided before getting there we were going to get the garden completely weeded and just put our minds to it and get it done. So, we got it done J. Again, something that felt really rewarding. Then yesterday we went to a small village close to the school and did a medical outreach, but this one was much less overwhelming than the last one. There weren’t very many people, but they were super thankful for our help. So that gives an idea of the week as far as work goes.

Emotionally, I am on a rollercoaster. I am here with such amazing people. I really could not have asked for any better of a group of people to be here with. All of the girls get along, which is rare when you have 11 girls sharing two bedrooms. The guys, leaders, and staff is so great as well. Everyone here is a family and the whole idea is to embrace community. We are here to build relationships, not only with the people in the house, but with the Ugandans we are working with at all the projects. So that is my focus the rest of the trip. This morning, Julie, our main leader, encouraged us to continue working as hard as we have been (they are really impressed with how much we are getting done already), but to not forget that we are here to build relationships. To have a reason to feel like we need to return here some day. So far, I haven’t been as focused on that because I am just working myself to the bone. I will say, I am super attached to this little boy Karim. He is so precious, I really am going to struggle leaving him. But other than that, I need to connect with other Ugandans. So please be praying for that. Also, I am working to be vulnerable here. Everyone wants to know your story and wants to have a genuine friendship here, but they aren’t near as genuine if I am not completely open and vulnerable. I am here for God to change me. The morning devotions we do here are the greatest thing ever. They have really been challenging me to work through all of my struggles, and let me know I have a support system. I love it here though. Like really, really love it here. As much as I miss home, I was meant to be here, meant to be surrounded by these people. So thank you so much to everyone who made this trip happen again. I miss you all so, so much. As always, any emails or comments will be so encouraging. I love you all dearly.

Week 1: Uganda

Finally a blog update: Week 1 has been an extremely busy week. The two 9-hour flights were pretty bad but not as terrible as I expected. It was just a lot of hours with no sleep. The 9 hour layover took forever, we just waited at the airport. We landed in Entebbe, Uganda at 7:45 am on Wednesday-Ugandan time. From there we took a 4 hour drive to a village called Kaliro. I guess that it isn't even close to being considered a poor area. The people that live in the village bascially live a lifestyle of farming and house work type things. Not many of the kids go to school, so as soon as we got to where we were staying kids just flocked to us. They are all so so precious and so amazed by "Mzungus": white people. Everywhere you walk everyone just points and shouts "Mzungu! Mzungu!". Anyway, we walk into the basecamp where we will be staying for 2 nights and it is just a 2 bedroom building with one front main room. The girls split between the 2 bedrooms. Keep in mind there was absolutely nothing in these rooms, no bed, nothing. So we set some pads on the floor. We put 6 girls to a room, so we squeezed 2 girls per single size padding. It was squeezed to say the least. But such a great experience. We will be going back to the village for a 4 or 5 day outing where we will actually have projects we will run out of the village. It's looking like so far for sure a medical clinic. So we came back to the house on Friday afternoon, and it is SO nice. Complete appreciation for it after staying in the village. We all have our own beds and are sharing rooms, but there are showers and everything. Obviously everything here is limited use, because they only get water so often and it's cold. But, so nice compared to what we lived in in the village. The weird thing is, I haven't stopped thinking about the village since we left, I just loved the people there, the school we visited, everything about it.

Anyway, yesterday we ran a Medical Clinic in the Katanga Slums. That was a whole experience in itself. Completely heart-wrenching. We walked in groups weaving in and out of the slums letting people know that we would be doing a clinic in an hour. We were told we were in the "good" part of the slums, so I can't even imagine what the other parts look like. There was trash everywhere, dirty water everywhere, and just so many people living in such a tight space. There were a couple times where I had to hold my breath to keep myself from gagging because of the stench. I was at the hand washing station during the clinic, and so I performed 297 hand washes to be specific. My hand was beyond clean afterwards. It was crazy to see how excited everyone was to come to the clinic and how clueless the children were to even knowing how to wash their hands. I know my sister is doing an update so I am sure you'll hear about her totally different experience yesterday, which I'm glad I was distracted for! Today, Sunday, is a rest day. We are just hanging out at the house and they open internet up for us on Sundays. So those will probably be the days that I do updates. This next week is a full and busy week. We will have projects every day Monday-Saturday.

It is so hard in the limited time I have with internet to share all the details so far, but I can say God is good. Even in a place with such poverty and sadness, He shows me every day and every minute that the people here are so special. They just want to love and to be loved. The kids just hang on you and don't want to let go, yet they are so independent. 6 year old kids taking care of their baby brothers and sisters. It really is heart-wrenching. I feel so exhausted at the end of each day, just emotionally, but somehow God fills me each morning with so much energy and drive to continue helping these people.

I miss home lots, but I know my work isn't close to being done here. I still have a little over 3 weeks and in that time I am going to really learn my calling here. Whether it be directed at the slum basecamp, the school, or the farm. Oh, and the bugs: I don't know what everyone talks about all the time with so many bugs and them being big. I haven't been bothered once, there really arent many around where we are. Anyway, I love all of you that are checking this and am thinking about you all the time. Thank you for all the thoughts!

THE Day: 12 hours 35 min

Holy cow, TWELVE hours?!? I really am not sure I ever truly realized when I planned this trip that THE day to leave would actually come. It has snuck up on me faster than I could have ever imagine and of course to no surprised, I'm not finished packing yet. In fact, I don't even have a suitcase. Although that doesn't surprise me, I am surprised at how calm I woke up feeling this morning. I assumed I would be a hot mess of emotions this morning, but I am feeling pretty relaxed. So as I may not be physically ready as of this moment, I am emotionally ready. I'm ready to go do what God has called me to do. It is my duty in life to serve others and to show them Jesus through everything I do. I can't wait. My best friend sent me an email the other day of all the random essentials in Africa that maybe you wouldn't think of. While that was helpful, it was the last sentence she closed the email with. "Love unconditionally. Be Jesus to everyone you meet." I wrote this in my journal very big and boldly so that it is constantly a reminder this next month, and even after that. So yes, I am ready.

I do want to give a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me. Really, without the contributions and prayers I wouldn't be going today. So thank you beyond words. Please, please, please continue praying. Pray for everything to go smooth from arriving at DIA to the 18 hours of flying and 9 hour layover in London to landing in Entebbe, Uganda. And continue praying for the next month. Pray that any type of discouragement turns into a positive learning experience. Pray that we touch the lives of others as I know they will touch ours. Pray for anything you can imagine Uganda-related :).

Last, a quick update as to what I know so far upon arriving in the UG. We will be picked up from the airport and head straight to the "village" for a 2-day orientation before heading to the basecamp outside of Kampala. Unfortunately, I am not sure what all the village entitles, but we were told to place anything we will need for those two days in accessible places. Gosh, I can't wait. I love you all and can't wait to share this experience.